A young soldier was so traumatised by the prospect of his first Iraqi posting, he took an overdose which killed him.
Private Jason Chelsea couldn't come to terms with the thought that he might have to "shoot children" carrying suicide bombs.
He was so afraid, on the eve of the tour of duty with the Duke of Lancaster's Regiment he took a lethal quantity of paracetamol and iron tablets.
Unknown to Jason, they were a particularly destructive combination and he died from multi-organ failure following severe damage to his liver.
But as he lay dying, he repeatedly told medical staff: "I never wanted to die."
A donor organ had been found - despite the national shortage - as he battled for life in the renal unit at St James' Hospital, in Leeds, but he was by then too ill to face surgery.
Following the 19-year-old's death in August 2006, a Ministry of Defence Board of Inquiry was held into the circumstances behind his death.
And although the hearing remains confidential, it has been discovered it makes several recommendations about changes to Army procedure.
Jason, who was dyslexic, had also complained about bullying by some soldiers during his five and half year training.
He had been angry and insulted after hearing some say they wouldn't want to get into battle with him "in case he got them killed."
And he had self harmed, "superficially" slashing his wrists on two earlier occasions, after heavy drinking sessions, while on service.
An inquest was told he died after taking a fatal overdose of prescription drugs but Coroner Jennifer Leeming recorded a verdict of accidental death after hearing he had phoned for an emergency ambulance himself immediately after ingesting the pills at the family home in Wigan, Lancashire.
"Within a very short period of time after taking the tablets Jason had summoned the ambulance himself to take him to hospital and this was clearly not the action of someone who wanted to end his life," Mrs Leeming told Bolton Coroner's Court.
"This act could more consistently be described as a cry for help from a fragile young man about to serve in Iraq and faced with some financial problems and clearly finding it difficult to cope with these matters.
"Due to the fact that he had been drunk, perhaps these were out of proportion in his mind."
His mother, Kerry, told the hearing that her son originally wanted to be a chef but had joined the armed forces - against her wishes - after a recruitment road show landed at his school.
Jason, she said, was always the first to comfort neighbours in distress and was always there when anybody had problems.
But he was increasingly concerned about his impending tour of duty and what may be expected of him in Iraq.
She said this showed itself in his heavy drinking which, with his father Tony, she had tried her best to control.
She said: "Before he joined the army Jason didn't drink and his dad doesn't drink at all and I am only a very light drinker on social occasions.
"But when I asked him why he did drink so much now he said that that was army life and you would be the odd one out if you didn't do it - he didn't want to be left behind.
"He told me he used to drink vodka and gin because it wouldn't show on his breath so much and after he died we found empty spirits bottles hidden in the garage.
"After the overdose, when he came around the next morning, he told me that he really didn't want to go to Iraq and he was scared at having to maybe shoot children or adults because he said he didn't want to kill anybody.
"Basically I think he had just got himself in a state over it all.
"He also said that some boys had been nasty to him because he took a while to pick up the things he had to learn because he was dyslexic.
"He used to do the ironing and polishing the boots of friends and they would then help teach him the marching and the academic side of things in return."
Army company second in command Captain Steven Caldwell said that Kingsman Chelsea hadn't done anything "to raise the alarm" with his behaviour because a lot of young soldiers were "socially undeveloped" before they progressed.
He pointed out that operationally not every soldier was called upon to kill, and said the media had to shoulder some of the blame for "focussing on the negative" which, he acknowledged, had left some soldiers feeling "doomed."
He insisted their training did adequately prepare young soldiers for the psychological side of battle theatre situations.